Introduction
As we approach the end of our lives, many of us have regrets about our lives and choices. Reflecting on people’s most common regrets at the end of their lives can provide essential insights that help us live a more meaningful and fulfilling life. The concept of “deathbed regrets” refers to the remorse or sorrow felt by someone nearing death over missed opportunities, wrong decisions, or errors they made in life that can no longer be corrected. Understanding the most frequent regrets voiced by the dying reminds us of what matters most in life.
It highlights the importance of living authentically, nurturing relationships, focusing less on work, worrying less, and finding more joy daily. Discussing common deathbed regrets inspires self-reflection on our priorities and values and can motivate us to make more conscious choices to avoid looking back with deep regrets. Examining these top regrets of the dying provides a wake-up call to align our lives with what we genuinely care about.
Key Takeaways From Regrets:
Reflecting on the most common regrets expressed in one’s final days can provide powerful lessons for living life. Here are ten key takeaways:
- Live authentically, not trying to meet others’ expectations. Don’t let fear hold you back from your dreams.
- Work hard, but don’t overdo it. Value relationships, experiences, and joy as much as achievements.
- Express your feelings. Don’t bottle things up or let fear of judgment stop you from sharing your heart.
- Nurture friendships. Make an effort to stay connected, staying in touch over the years.
- Let yourself feel joy. Don’t take everything so seriously. Lighten up and create plenty of room for laughter.
- Focus on being happy in the present moment. Don’t put off all joy for the future.
- Take care of your health, both physical and mental. Could you not take it for granted?
- Make your life matter. Contribute, create, and engage in meaningful pursuits.
- Give your all in relationships. Don’t hold back from fully committing to those you love.
- Prioritize happiness every day. Don’t put enjoyment and satisfaction at the bottom of your to-do list.
I wish I’d had the courage to live true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This regret stems from not listening to one’s inner voice and living according to others’ expectations instead of following one’s passions and desires. It is widespread for people to choose to please or gain approval from family, friends, and society rather than choosing the path that resonates with their true selves.
Often, people try to meet external expectations by making “practical” career and relationship decisions instead of risky or unorthodox ones. They may choose stability and status over fulfillment. Or they may suppress parts of themselves to fit in. But at the end of life, many look back with profound sadness over not having had the courage to break free from expectations and customs. They wish they had pursued their dreams and lived according to their values and purpose. It takes strength and resolve to resist pressure to conform and follow our path, but living true to oneself is necessary for happiness and wholeness.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
Many people on their deathbeds regret working too many hours and prioritizing their careers over spending time with loved ones. A Reddit thread asked older adults if they regret working too hard, and most responded yes. They cautioned the younger generation not to make the same mistake of being workaholics and missing out on life outside the office.
Studies show that working more than 50 hours weekly increases stress and negatively affects relationships. Despite knowing this, many fall into the trap of overworking because of financial incentives, pressure to climb the career ladder, or loyalty to their companies. They end up missing milestones with children and lacking work-life balance.
This regret is clearly articulated in the saying, “No one on their deathbed ever wished they had spent more time at the office.” Life is precious and fleeting. Make sure to prioritize your health, family, and friends instead of chasing professional success single-mindedly. Work hard, but keep it balanced with the other essential aspects of your life.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many regret not expressing their feelings and emotions to others before it is too late. They hold back what they want to say out of fear of rejection, judgment, or hurting others. Suppressing emotions can take a psychological toll over time, leaving people wishing they had been honest about their affections, frustrations, disappointments, and more.
One person said, “I regret not telling someone that they mean the world to me and I’ll break apart if they leave me. I regret not caressing someone for one last time before they were gone forever” . It’s common for people to have deep regrets over keeping their feelings bottled up instead of telling others how they felt when they had the chance. Saying “I love you,” apologizing for mistakes or sharing an honest opinion can feel risky, but many advise taking those emotional risks rather than living with “what-ifs” and guilt. Life is fleeting, and expressing oneself fully allows deeper connections before it’s too late.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
As we get older and busier, it’s easy to let friendships fall by the wayside. We get caught up in work, family obligations, and daily stresses and stop contacting friends we once held dear. Before we know it, years have gone by without meaningful contact.
Many older adults regret neglecting their friendships and social connections over the years. They realize too late how much joy and support their friends brought into their lives.
Losing touch with close friends can leave an emptiness that is hard to fill. The shared memories and inside jokes cannot be recreated. One quote about faded friendships says: “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” When we lose touch with old friends, it’s as if the music fades away.
To avoid regret, it helps to regularly reach out to friends from the past, even just a quick text or phone call, to show you still care. Friendships take effort from both sides, so be the one to restart a connection before too much time passes. Cherishing our closest confidantes helps enrich our lives at any age.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Many people lament at the end of their lives that they did not allow themselves to experience more joy and happiness. Bronnie Ware writes, “This is an incredibly sad, and very poignant, regret to hear. So many people walk through life not allowing themselves to be happy now. So many put their happiness ‘on hold'”. They become stuck in negativity, worry, and anxiety about the future. Or they hold themselves back from enjoying life’s pleasures, big and small, thinking that they’ll be happy “one day” when they retire, get married, have kids, etc.
One regretful quote powerfully states: “A sad old man looking over his life sees that his life was very much like a blueprint. It has very good structure, great intent, all the latest gadgets, everything in the proper place and everything done according to code. … looking back, he kind of wishes he’d been more of a color-outside-the-lines type of guy!”.
Many people realize too late the importance of letting go, having fun, pursuing a passion, expressing their wild side, and embracing all that a vibrant life has to offer. Rather than postponing happiness until tomorrow, the dying implores the living to find fulfillment and joy in the present. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
I wish I hadn’t taken so many things so seriously
Many people regret being too uptight and humorless in life. They wish they hadn’t sweated the small stuff or taken themselves so seriously. As the saying goes, “Life is too serious to be taken seriously.”
It’s easy to get caught up in the stresses of work, relationships, and day-to-day responsibilities. But making time for laughter, silliness, and fun is so important. People on their deathbeds often wish they had laughed more and worried less. They regret being unable to relax and being wound up over minor issues that seem silly in hindsight.
Having a sense of humor and perspective allows people to take life’s ups and downs in stride. Not sweating the small stuff brings calm, joy, and resilience. Humor relieves stress and makes difficult situations more bearable. As the saying goes, “The biggest regret of your life won’t be what you did, It’ll be what you didn’t do.” So remember to make time for laughter and fun while you can. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously.
I wish I had taken better care of my health.
Many people regret not taking better care of their health when they were younger. It’s easy to feel invincible when young and not worry about the consequences of unhealthy habits and behaviors. However, the cumulative effects of poor diet, lack of exercise, smoking, excessive drinking, and chronic stress can take a significant toll on your health over time.
Neglecting health check-ups and screenings when you’re symptom-free can also lead to missing early opportunities to detect and treat issues before they progress. As one Redditor commented, “You will never regret taking care of your body. However, you will someday regret not taking care of it.” It’s all too common for people to take their health for granted and wish they had done more to care for themselves when they had the chance.
The consequences of poor health choices are only sometimes obvious right away. But over time, conditions like heart disease, diabetes, chronic pain, reduced mobility, and cancers can emerge. At that point, people often lament not prioritizing their health sooner. It’s much harder to turn health around when you’re older versus establishing good habits early on. As one Quora user wrote, “I regret not learning earlier in life that taking care of yourself is easier than being sick and ill, unhealthy and enduring suffering and pain.”
I wish I’d done more that lasted.
Many regret later in life that they did not leave a meaningful legacy. Whether it’s positively impacting their family and friends, contributing to society, or leaving the world a little better than they found it, people often wish they had done more to create a lasting imprint.
Leaving a legacy is about more than accomplishing great things that will be remembered. It’s about the meaningful difference you make daily in other people’s lives. As Peter Strople said, “Legacy is not leaving something behind for other people. It’s leaving something behind in other people.” [https://www.joincake.com/blog/legacy-quotes/] Your legacy lives on through how you touch people and the values you instill in them.
Many at the end of life realize they were too focused on short-term goals versus contributing to something more significant. They get caught up in day-to-day activities and don’t make the time to give back or make a lasting impact. You can create a legacy that endures by being thoughtful about positively influencing others through your actions.
I wish I were the spouse that I wanted to be
Many people, at the end of their lives, regret not being the kind of spouse they wish they could have been. Marriage takes a lot of work, and it’s easy to lose sight of that over the years. People often get caught up in the day-to-day stresses and stop prioritizing the relationship.
Common regrets include:
- Not communicating honestly or effectively.
- Not making time for each other.
- Taking the other for granted.
- Not working through problems.
- Letting resentment build up over time.
As one woman put it: “I regret settling for less than what I deserved, always justifying his unacceptable behavior, and forgiving too many inexcusable things for the sake of keeping up the facade of having the perfect marriage and the perfect family when obviously I had neither.” (source)
It takes constant effort to have a healthy, satisfying marriage. People regret neglecting that effort and not being the understanding, supportive, loving partner they know they could have been. Making your relationship a priority, communicating openly, going through challenges together, and showing constant appreciation are vital to being the kind of spouse you and your partner will be proud of in the long run.
I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Many people, at the end of their lives, regret not allowing themselves to be happier and look back, wishing they had laughed more and worried less. As Bronnie Ware writes in The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, we often get caught up in pleasing others, meeting societal expectations, and being so severe that we lose sight of the joy in front of us. Focusing on problems and negativity is easy, but consciously choosing to find lighthearted moments and embrace laughter, even during adversity, can profoundly shape our outlook and well-being.
Making happiness a priority means permitting ourselves to do the things that bring us joy, even if they seem frivolous. It means being present with loved ones instead of being distracted. It means letting go of resentment and learning to forgive others and ourselves. Many wish they hadn’t taken life so seriously, so remembering to be silly and playful can keep us grounded in the moment. Though life brings inevitable hardship, focusing on the positive and seizing opportunities to create happiness can help minimize regret.
Conclusion
As we reflect on the most common regrets of the dying, it becomes clear that many wishes revolve around being true to oneself, nurturing close relationships, finding joy every day, and living life to the fullest. Though hindsight is 20/20, being aware of these common regrets can help us make more mindful choices in the present. We only get one life – let’s live it without regrets.
Rather than postponing joy for some future moment, appreciate the present. Reach out to those you care about and strengthen your bonds. Do more of what ignites your spirit, even if it scares you. Take better care of your health. Focus less on pleasing others and more on listening to your own heart. And above all, don’t take life so seriously that you forget to be happy.
Life is impermanent, and none of us know how much time we have left. Be sure to realize what matters most before the end. Live each day purposefully, relish the small joys, and nurture a clear conscience. Though every life has its share of hardship and pain, we can choose to fill our remaining days with as much light, hope, and meaning as possible. There are always more chances to love, dream, explore, learn, and grow. The time is now.